My resolutions for surviving continuous lockdowns

I am struggling not to whine and get depressed. As a general personality trait, I'm neither a whiner nor suffer from moodiness or depression. Kabul has been a mess lately with multiple attacks with two of the recent ones close enough for us to instinctively duck for cover and dash for safety. This has resulted in being locked down for five weekends in a row with nowhere to go and to spend far too many hours in one's own room. I am a social animal and being cutoff from life outside the house and the office is draining my spirit.

My teeth are threatening to constantly clench, my lips feel tight, my gut tense and my breathing forced. My whole being is taut and tense, my shoulders feel hard as rock and my face frozen into something that is not attractive. I've just realized that I need to postpone my trip to India by a day and I still don't have my visa. Next week I have full day workshops and I'm scratching my head and trying to figure out how I will find the time to get the visa, and even more distressing is the nagging thought about whether I will be allowed to venture out to the embassy to process the paperwork.

I am sending out an appeal and a prayer to give me courage, fortitude, wisdom, humor, serenity, and compassion to remain flexible and to retain a sense of fun. I want the wisdom to believe that this too shall pass and to use the possibility of having to spend more time in my room to explore other avenues of serenity and fulfillment. I want to channel the courage of San Suu Kyi of Burma who has spent decades under house arrest and not blow this comparatively miniscule experience out of proportion. Instead of using this surge of energy that wants expression in being whiny and grouchy, I want my line to shine bright and perhaps even brighter. I don't want to this to get me down, but instead to lift me higher.

I don't want to feel as if opportunities are being lost but instead to feel as if this very negative situation is instead opening more doors for me. I want my soul to find even more nourishment instead of feeling as if it is slowly withering. I want my easy smile and laughter and sense of joy - gifts from my mother - to remain fully stocked and even overflowing instead of being drained dry. I want to channel my mother who under far, far more difficult circumstances managed to radiate joy and compassion so much so that people whose lives by all normal standards were more bountiful flocked to her to absorb some of that spirit. I want to channel the dauntless spirit of my Afghan friends who have survived decades of lives being on hold and have come out of it with their ability to be kind, to be compassionate, and to laugh intact. I don't want to wallow in self pity, give in to a pervasive sense of resentment and instead feel as if I'm free and swimming with Dolphins in open water.

I will not allow myself to feel imprisoned and instead make friends with the walls of my room, the walls of my compound, the barbed wires on top of the compound walls, the guard house, the sniper posts, the safe room and most of all with my spirit that is unique, and belongs to me and will not be destroyed by anyone else. This too shall pass.

Response to "Taliban Poised at the gates of Kabul"

The article “Taliban poised at the gates of Kabul” is a typical example of irresponsible journalism – the kind of voyeuristic, fear-mongering, hope-crushing, let’s-give-up-on-Afghanistan-pandering journalism that we can expect from Rush Limbaugh, but elicits a response of deep disappointment when headlined on CNN.

I’ve been living in Afghanistan now for seven months, and this is my fourth visit to the country as a civilian. By the way, I am a woman. In this time, I’ve seen Kabul transformed from a city where every third building was damaged to a city with booming construction, a thriving retail business, increasing numbers of girls and women participating in life outside of their homes, a choice of seventeen channels on television, and a thriving banking industry. Afghans here get 6% interest on their deposits, something that we Americans can stand to be desperately jealous of.

An exhibit for briquettes (an alternative to wood) at the Kabul Agriculture Fair, 2008

Yes, there are security issues – serious ones. However, the tone of this article is one that gives insight to the saying, “a little knowledge is dangerous”. Reading this article would have my family and friends cringe with terror about my safety. However, the reality is, even with this current situation, the streets of Kabul are safer than those of Washington D.C., Los Angeles, New York, Philadelphia, Detroit etc. I challenge the author to compare the percentage of deaths caused through violence in Kabul vs. any of the cities above.

Yes, with the current population crush in Kabul, it would be easy for the Taliban to attack anywhere, anytime. Then – why don’t they? Could it be that they are increasingly finding it difficult to recruit? Could it be that the Afghan intelligence system is getting better? Is it possible that there are more patriotic Afghan police than corrupt? Has the author taken the responsibility to do a minor survey of ordinary citizens here to find out the overwhelming lack of support for the Taliban? Or has she convinced herself of abject terror – the same kind she is trying to convince the readers of.

To call Kabul as “one of the last bastions of security in Afghanistan” is a downright lie. There are no other words for it. A deeply dangerous and thoughtless lie. Has the author traveled to Bamiyan, Takhar, Daikundi, Mazar, Nangahar, Balkh, Panjsher, Herat and other provinces in Afghanistan? When I read the line out to several Afghans here, they just started laughing at the unbelievable level of ignorance.
Men and women gathering to see a play written by
women for women at an outdoor theater in Kabul

The author goes on to say after lamenting about the low wages of Afghan police and the resulting corruption, “Still, coalition forces have no choice but to keep rooting for Kabul's cops” Actually, the coalition forces can do something. If making Afghanistan secure is so important to the coalition, the high command could insist and make a serious and public recommendation that aid money be used to supplement the wages of the Afghan police and security forces. They could, on national television and in congressional hearings, say that increasing the pay of the Afghan police and army is an integral part of the strategy to improve national security.

But of course that brings me to my final question: If our press does not write about the horror that is Afghanistan instead of real and transformational solutions, how could we keep feeding the insatiable hunger of our military industrial complex?


The proud owner of the prize winning goat at the Kabul Ag Fair